


Sweet Emotion

by TaylorCee591



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean & Cas are neighbors, Dean & Cas are neighbours, Human AU, M/M, Sad Ending, Soul-Mark, Soul-Mark AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 18:05:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12086451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaylorCee591/pseuds/TaylorCee591
Summary: When Castiel's soul-mark appeared with the onset of puberty it instilled a strange kind of fear in him for years to come. The last word his soulmate would say to him etched across his heart terrifying him enough that he tried to make sure he'd never hear it. However, it was a little difficult to avoid it when the asshole moved in next door.





	Sweet Emotion

 

 

> _**"What belongs to you but others use it more than you?"** _

 

Homo Sapiens are thought to have walked the Earth for 200,000 years. Technically they're mammals; like whales, elephants, lions, seals and chipmunks. For decades experts have tried to classify exactly what separates humans from other mammals; conscious thought, bipedalism, lack of instincts, written communication. Over the past few hundred years something else set humans apart from the rest of the food chain and scientists still do not fully understand the strange phenomenon:

Seemingly tattooed across every person's heart are the last words their soulmate will ever say to them.

 

Psychologists have argued for the past couple of decades that it has to be linked to the human capacity for emotions, a wide array that far surpasses our animal friends. However, it’s only been in the past couple of years that scientists think they are close to proving them right. Strangely there are two factions - one convinced it has to be connected to love and the other determined that it has nothing to do with emotion but creativity. There's also a faction of the population that suggest it is proof of ESP.

One thing mostly everyone agrees on is that it is evidence of a species-wide evolution, although the religious of the population prefer to call it "a gift", thankfully they seemed to collectively refrain from deciding it was a curse brought about by the immoral of the world and everyone breathed a sigh of relief for a change. 

"Goodbye" and "I won't be long" were common soul-marks. Some of the harder hitting marks include, "I'm guilty," "I'm scared", "Help me!" and "How could you?"

These soul-marks appear with the initial onset of puberty in all genders regardless of physical or mental ability, class, income or race however no one could know at what age they would show and it was different for everyone. It would also happen whether it was convenient or not, which could often be a problem because it was not a quick or painless process, these factors also varying from person to person.

Inevitably most people came to fear the very words tattooed on their skin. There were classes and books aimed at trying to help a person come to terms with the grave future those words marked. Whether they really worked or not may psychologists would continue to argue for centuries.

Whatever they may end up deciding there was one young man who went through puberty fearing one word no one should ever come to be terrified of:

His name.

Yet years later he'd quickly learned to love it too.

Especially as he pushed into him and heard it over and over again.

"Cas, Cas, Cas," Dean would repeat over and over, like a prayer. In bed, in the shower, on the couch, in the hot tub, in their cars, wherever, everywhere they could.

He'd come to almost crave hearing it over and over, because everyone that'd followed was another he'd beat. Another they'd survived. 

The whole time growing up not one person he'd known had called him 'Cas' and the older he'd gotten the more every new introduction had made his muscles tense, his stomach turn and his hands shake.

Castiel, Cassie, Clarence.

Never Cas.

Until Dean.

The first time he uttered the word they'd just met and everything else he'd said went from Castiel's mind and he froze. He avoided Dean liked the plagued after that which was difficult considering he'd just moved in to the house next door with his brother, who took an instant and obvious shine to Castiel's own brother who was visiting at the time. It became even more difficult when Sam and Gabriel took up a sexual relationship, especially since Gabriel's studio apartment was two towns over and Sam seemed to have an aversion to his own bedroom. As a result Castiel often came back to his own house to find his brother using it for a hook up, and over time it became less and less comfortable to stay downstairs while the ceiling fan shook above him.

Castiel came home from a particularly hard day at work with nothing in mind but a good meal, a warm shower and a comfortable bed. But, as he closed his front door and pulled at his tie it became apparent to him that that was not going to be an option.

And that's what Dean saw out of his kitchen window that night: his disgruntled neighbor sitting beside the pond at the bottom of his garden and mumbling to himself. Dean was wary: the man didn't seem to like him but he was too intrigued. So, he left his house and walked quietly over to him.

Castiel was poking his index finger just below the surface of the water and pulling it towards him an inch of two, watching the water ripple and obscuring the reflection of the stars above.

"You'll scare the fish," Dean said as he put his right hand on the fence that separated their gardens and looked down at the peculiar man.

Castiel looked to him then sighed as he looked away, letting his head rest in his left hand again. "There is no fish," Castiel mumbled, too angry to be scared, too tired to be much of anything.

"Why have a pond with no fish?" Dean asked, leaning on the fence with his other hand too.

"Why have a house I can't stand to be in?" Castiel countered.

"Why can't you stand it?" Dean asked and Castiel looked up at him accusingly. "What?"

"Because, for whatever reason, your brother can't have sex in his own house," Castiel said.

Dean chuckled. "Yeah," he said and nodded as if it was a lovable quirk of Sam's rather than the crippling fear dean knew it was. But he could hardly be the kid: his last girlfriend had died in their bedroom. It had taken Dean over a year to get Sam to stop sleeping on the couch but, despite moving house, Sam still had to repair his relationship with that room. Dean knew the kid was messed up but he loved him, what could he do?

"It's not funny!" Castiel snapped. "I've been working practically two days straight, I want a shower, dinner, beer and a damn sleep!" Castiel ripped grass from the ground and threw it onto the surface of the water, they floated together and covered up the reflection of the night sky.

Dean exhaled. "Wanna come in?" he asked.

Castiel looked up at him. "What?"

"Sam's using your space, use hi," Dean said and shrugged.

Castiel looked back to the water and closed his eyes knowing he couldn't hold out much longer.

"I-" he stuttered.

"Hey," Dean said and lifted his hands as Castiel looked to him. "I'm not trying anything funny. I know you don't like me - I might not get why - but I'm just trying to right a wrong." He shrugged. "Door'll be open if you change your mind." He walked away, back the way he'd came. He took one of the steps to his back door, paused and pulled the screen open before stepping up and pushing the door open. 

Castiel had looked to the water when Dean had disappeared from sight and thought about how dangerous this was, he tried to gauge how much longer he could stay awake, dirty and unfed for. The more he thought about Dean's offer the shorter that time seemed to be. He decided to lie back and try and fall asleep on the grass. He stared at the sky and watched as the stars appeared to him. He watched a bird fly above him, his eyelids felt heavy. He squirmed, feeling like he could smell his own odor all of a sudden and tried to dismiss it as his imagination. A few minutes later his stomach growled and he sighed. He resettled on the grass, determined to fall asleep and wake up to an empty house.

His eyelids started to droop and he thought he was almost there. When his stomach growled again his eyes flew open and sudden sharp pain burst in his head and sat behind his eyes. Every time he moved his eyes it moved too and he groaned, wishing he could just wash himself. A pain shot down his back and he groaned as he instinctively sat up and it cracked painfully. 

He stood up, admitting defeat and hopping the fence without much effort and a lot of irritation with himself. 

"Shower, dinner, leave," he said to himself while he walked towards the back door of Deans house. He stepped up to stand at the screen and saw the door was open, he could see him sitting on the couch in the living area at the front of the house and watching what Castiel would assume was his television while eating peanuts from a can. He knocked on the screen door and Dean turned his head to look.

"S'open!" he called, gesturing with his and for Castiel to enter.

Castiel opened the screen door outward, stepping backwards as he did so and down one step to allow it to open enough for him to step up once more and inside the house.

"Shall I close this door?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," Dean said. "I left it open for you, so." He shrugged and Castiel closed the door behind him as Dean stood up and rounded the couch, moving over the threshold of the kitchen and looking at Castiel. "Couldn't take it anymore, huh?"

"Could I perhaps shower?" Castiel asked.

"Sure," Dean said and gestured his head as he turned. "Come on, I'll show ya."

Castiel followed Dean through the doorway, passed the couch and up the stairs, feeling his anxiety dissipate just a little.

When they got to the top Dean stopped at the door near the top. "Getcha a towel," he said and opened it, taking out an aqua towel before holding it out to Castiel with his right hand while pointing to the end of the landing with his left. "Bathroom's right there," he said. "Easy to use," he assured him.

"Thank you," Castiel said, taking the towel and turning away from Dean.

"D'you like pizza?" Dean asked when he had taken three steps away. 

Castiel stopped and looked at him. "Why?"

"You said you wanted a shower, food, booze and sleep," Dean stated and then pointed to the two doors at the end of the landing. "One down, food's next." He shrugged. "Just offering," he added and began to descend the stairs.

Castiel paused before he leaned over the wall. "Only if you let me pay," Castiel said.

Dean didn't stop walking. "Damn straight. What toppings?"

"Pepperoni, salami and anchovies," he replied.

Dean nodded to himself. "Don't fall asleep in the shower or I promise it'll be gone," he said and disappeared into the living area.

 

Castiel walked to the end of the hall and paused; there were two doors, one to his left and one ahead. He wasn't sure which one was the bathroom and so went to the left. It was dark inside so he found the light switch on the wall and flicked it. Inside he saw a queen-sized bed, nightstand and dresser and a laptop half-open on the desk in the corner with a dark screen. He lingered, wondering if this was Dean's bedroom or Sam's. There wasn't much personality in the room, not even a TV. Castiel found himself curious, he wanted to open drawers and see what secrets they held. He guessed family photographs, probably adult magazines and CDs of some sort. 

Although, Castiel would later change that to cassette tapes.

He flicked the switch off and closed the door, taking the other option instead. Inside was a room tiled from floor to ceiling in dark gray slates, a shower was in the corner to the far right but what caught Castiel off guard was the close right corner, in which sat a large, square bathtub that clearly functioned as a hot tub too. He would later become quite familiar with that tub, much to Sam's dismay. He shook his head and started taking his jacket off.

 

When he stepped out of the shower twelve minutes later it occurred to him that he didn't have anything to wear and the idea of putting him sweaty clothes back on made him wish he'd stayed in the garden. Instead, he wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the bathroom door, stepping out to ask Dean if he could borrow some clothes as Dean ran up the stairs and turned, walking towards the bathroom.

They both stopped dead.

Dean couldn't help letting his eyes drift over Castiel's chest and he crossed his arms defensively. Dean's eyes lingered for another second, over Castiel's soul-mark as it puffed under the pressure of his crossed arms. Then he let his eyes drop to the ground. 

"Sorry," Dean said. "I was-" He pointed to the stairs. "Pizza's here."

"That was quick," Castiel stated.

"Yeah," Dean said and lifted his eyes before he realized he was staring and bowed his head to the ground, turning away.

"Dean?" Castiel said and Dean stopped, looking back to him. "Could I perhaps borrow something to wear? I really don't want to put my suit back on," he explained.

Dean nodded. "Sure, hold on," he said and stepped towards Castiel who panicked and backed up into the bathroom.

Dean stopped, raising his eyebrows to him. "Okay then," he muttered and disappeared into the bedroom, turning the light on in the process. 

Castiel walked to the doorway and watched Dean.

The room swept to the right from where Castiel stood, the wardrobe was in front of him facing the rest of the room. In the middle of the room was a queen-sized bed with plain sheets, a desk stood on the wall the room shared with the bathroom. But Dean was looking at the far wall, beside the window, where Dean was pulling the middle drawer of the heavy wooden chest open.

Castiel fixed his towel without taking his eyes from Dean, the way he dipped to pull the drawer open, the way his right arm bulged just enough to be seen through his shirt. He turned to looked at Castiel and he didn’t lift his eyes quick enough.

Dean didn’t smirk as he might have done usually, he just looked at him, but he hadn’t missed it. He held out the dark sweat pants and red t-shirt. “Will these be okay?” He took the t-shirt in his free hand to show them separately.

“Yes, thank you,” Castiel said and Dean put the two together in his right hand before he turned back and pushed the drawer closed. He turned to the lamp on the nightstand and looked to Castiel as he turned it off.

The room was in darkness and Castiel turned his head to the left, still hearing the television downstairs and Dean marveled at the light highlighting his profile. What struck him first was how his Adam’s apple protruded almost gently but he was distracted by the way he pursed his lips together and looked down, turning to the right and bringing Dean out of his reverie. He walked through the darkness to the doorway and Castiel looked up just as quickly as he stepped back again, colliding with the half-wall that bordered the stairs.

“I don’t bite,” Dean said as he pulled the door closed behind him and held out the clothes to him. Castiel expected him to say something further, a joke of some kind. But he didn’t, in fact, Castiel could have sworn that he looked hurt.

Castiel took them cautiously. “Thank you,” he said.

“It’s no problem,” Dean said and walked away quickly, jogging down the stairs. As he did he thought about the way Castiel looked at him when he though Dean wasn’t looking. Then he thought about how quickly he backed away from him, as if afraid.

Castiel dipped into the bathroom and put the clothes off, his movements were slow and distracted as he considered the look on Dean’s face. He left the bathroom, carrying his folded up clothes down the stairs and gingerly entered the open living room door, to see Dean sitting on the couch in front of the television, opening one of the pizza boxes, both of which were sitting on the coffee table in front of him. He separated one slice foe the whole and bit into it before Castiel stepped into the room and Dean turned.

“They fit then,” Dean said, still chewing, as his eyes drifted down Castiel. Oh, the definitely fitted, they fitted painfully well.

“Yes,” Castiel said, stepping to the left of the couch and putting his clothes on the armchair. “Thank you again.”

“This is yours,” Dean said and tapped the closed box to his left. “Beer’s in the fridge.”

Castiel turned and headed into the kitchen, the refrigerator was against the wall on the left with the recycling but the rest of the kitchen extended to the right. Castiel opened the door and took out a beer from the seven that were lying on their side, the bottom two layers of what had been a pyramid of twelve. He brought it up closer to his face to look at it and found it to be a twist cap and so closed the door, twisted the cap, and walked back into the living room. He hesitated before he stepped into place beside Dean and sat down.

Dean looked to him, not failing to notice that he was as close to the armrest as he could be without perching on it. He leaned forward and put the cap on the table before opening the box, the smell of hot, melted cheese hitting him in the face.

Dean pointed to the TV. “You mind?” he asked as he chewed and bit into the slice again.

Castiel looked to the TV and blanked before he realized that Dean must be asking if he had any objections to what program was on. “Oh, no,” he said, putting his beer down and separating his own slice from the whole pizza, “watch whatever you please.”

“Just don’t tell Sam,” Dean said, expecting Castiel to ask why.

“I understand,” Castiel said, instead, chewing on his pizza.

“It’s a guilty pleasure,” Dean tried, lifting his own beer and taking a drink but Castiel merely nodded before he took another bite himself. “You’re a real chatterbox, huh, Cas?”

“Don’t call me that!” Castiel snapped.

“Whoa, okay,” Dean said, looking to him avoiding Dean’s eye. “You prefer Castiel?” He didn’t look up and Dean shrugged. “Alright.”

Castiel glanced to him. “I need to pay you for the pizzas,” he said, attempting to switch the conversation away from the awkwardness.

“Doesn’t matter,” Dean muttered and looked to the television.

“It does,” Castiel insisted.

“Well, you can owe me then,” Dean said and his eye twitched; his instinct had been to wink at him but he stopped himself. The man clearly didn’t like him even just to talk to so he’d just keep his mouth shut and his eyes forward. He wasn’t exactly going to throw him out, he’d done nothing to him, but other than that he had to keep things civil for Sam’s sake.

Castiel tried to bite the sentence back but it spat itself out nonetheless, “I don’t want to owe _you_.” He winced.

Dean’s brow raised, still looking forward. “Wow,” he couldn’t help but say.

“That-” Castiel sighed, feeling guilty. “I didn’t mean-”

“Can I ask,” Dean started as he leaned back and brushed his hands together, “what the hell’d I do?” Dean asked.

“Nothing,” Castiel answered, shaking his head.

“Because I can’t figure it out,” Dean persisted. “Was I- Did I creep you out when we met?”

“What, no?” Castiel replied, his confusion showing on his face.

“Well, I mean, I didn’t mean to be-” Dean stuttered. “I wasn’t trying to be creepy, I was just-”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupted, “what are you talking about? We have only ever shared a friendly introduction.”

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Dean said. “You seemed fine until I opened my big mouth and asked you over-”

“Wait,” Castiel interrupted again and put his hand up, turning towards Dean, “you asked me over?”

Dean paused. “Yeah?” His brow dipped. “Don’t you remember?” Castiel shook his head. “What did you say?”

“I joked that if you wanted to borrow sugar you shouldn’t hesitate, day or night. Think I winked too.” Dean shrugged. “Course now it sounds dumb but I panicked, you looked real good and-” He licked his lip quickly and blew out. “I’ve been smoother, anyway.”

“You- You were coming on to me?” Castiel asked, genuinely surprised.

“Well, I would have worked up to doing it properly but you kinda ran away and then wouldn’t talk to me after that. I didn’t mean to offend you-”

“You didn’t, I didn’t even realize,” Castiel muttered. “I had no idea.”

Dean’s mouth gaped like a fish as he tried to think and he turned more to Castiel. “So, you just straight up hated me on sight?” Dean picked up another slice. “Awesome.”

“No, it-” Castiel sighed and let his head fall into his left hand, Dean looked to him. “It wasn’t you,” he whispered despondently.

Dean heard him however. “Then what?” he asked.

“I-” Castiel stopped and looked at Dean then looked away. “My soul-mark.”

“What now?”

Castiel lifted his borrowed shirt at the left side and Dean looked to where everyone’s soul-marks were.

“Cas,” Dean read out loud and he let the t-shirt fall.

“I’m thirty-two and never in my life has anyone called me that,” he looked to his pizza, “until you.”

“That doesn’t mean-” His brow dipped. “Wait, no one?” Castiel looked to him. “Everyone’s called you your full name your entire life?”

“And Cassie and Clarence,” Castiel said.

“Clarence but not Cas?” Dean asked.

Castiel shook his head. “Just you,” he said.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Dean insisted. “I was offering you sugar not a ring.” Castiel glared at him. “Maybe I’m just a trendsetter.”

“I know, I just panicked,” Castiel said, glumly. “I’ve been scared of my own name my entire life and then it came out of your mouth and you’re quite good lookin’-”

“I am?” Dean asked, smiling, somewhat abashed.

“I wouldn’t be worried if I hadn’t been attracted to you, I would have ignored it.”

“Hold on,” Dean said, putting his left hand as he settled on the couch, turning more to Castiel. “You find me attractive?”

Castiel suddenly realized what he’d said and wiped his hands, separating another slice from the whole and taking a bite before putting it down again, chewing quickly. “That is beside the point-” He swallowed it too quickly, it went down hard and he took a drink to wash it down, putting his bottle down just a touch too hard.

“You’re worried I’m your soulmate,” Dean teased, a smile firmly on his face.

“Do you know what?” Castiel said, stood up and grabbed his clothes in a bundle before striding to the back door.

“Castiel, wait,” Dean said and stood up, following him.

Castiel spoke over his shoulder, “I’m just going to go and kick your brother out-”

“Cas-”

Castiel stopped at the door and turned to his right, looking at Dean. “I’ve been terrified all my life and now you’re laughing at me just because I like you-”

Dean stepped forward, putting his hand on Castiel’ face as he kissed him. Castiel stopped talking and kept his eyes open in shock. Dean pulled back, his hand still on Castiel’ face as Castiel’ eyes moved to look at him, otherwise frozen in shock. Dean let his hand fall, looked down and stepped back. Castiel watched Dean’s cheeks redden. “I- Sorry,” Dean stuttered. “I just don’t want you to go.”

“You don’t?” Castiel asked.

“No,” Dean replied as if it should be obvious. “I didn’t mean to laugh, just the idea of me being anyone’s soulmate makes me laugh.”

“Why?”

“Don’t believe in ‘em,” he said.

“Why not?” Castiel asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Just don’t,” Dean said. “Pizza’s getting cold, come on- Whatever your name is,” Dean said and turned around, walking back to the couch and sitting down.

Castiel paused before he followed him and sat down, both of them turning their attention to the TV and eating in relative silence.

 

It was three in the morning when Sam came sneaking back in to find Castiel asleep on his couch. He found Dean in his bedroom and asked what was going on. Dean responded by having a go at him for being selfish.

>><< 

It was a week after that that the pair went on their first date, which neither realized that they were doing. They’d just decided to meet in town after work for a drink, they’d then ended up ordering food and Dean drove them home. They’d said awkward goodbyes to each other on the sidewalk and went to their respective front doors. Dean looked to his left just as Castiel looked to his right. They smiled and went inside.

Dean took his coat off and went into the living room.

“Hey,” Sam said, sitting on the couch, “where’ve you been?”

“Just went for a drink with Castiel,” Dean said and walked to the kitchen.

Sam stood up and followed him. “You went on a date with Castiel?”

“No,” Dean said. “Just a drink.”

“Just a drink?” Sam asked, leaning on the wall.

“Yeah,” Dean said and got a mug out of the cupboard. “Well, we had dinner too.”

“So it was a date,” Sam stated with a smile and folded his arms.

Dean turned to look at him. “What?” He shook his head. “No…” He sounded unconvinced.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked.

Dean opened his mouth but then shut it because he wasn’t sure at all. He put the mug down and walked to the back door, disappearing through it. Sam smiled to himself and went back to the couch area, his cell rang and he smiled when he saw it was Gabriel.

Dean knocked on Castiel’ back door and Castiel, who had been in the kitchen as well, went straight to it. He’d taken off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and clearly ran a hand through his hair. He pushed the door open, a dish towel in his right hand.

“You know this might be grounds for a restraining order,” Castiel joked.

Dean didn’t reply. “Did we just go on a date?” he asked.

Castiel thought about it and then said, “I wasn’t sure but-”

“But?” Dean urged.

“I guess it might have been,” Castiel admitted. “Accidentally.”

“Happy accident?” Dean pushed.

Castiel smiled. “Maybe.”

Dean smiled too. “Good enough,” he said and made to turn away before he said, “Oh!” as if suddenly remembering something. He turned back to Castiel. “Almost forgot.” He leaned forward and kissed Castiel, sliding his hand over the side of his face and holding it for a second.

He realized this was the second time they’d kissed and the second time he’d surprised him.

Except that this time Castiel kissed him back, pulling him in more than Dean had pulled him. The door was sliding over Castiel left arm but neither noticed until it closed behind them when Castiel pulled Dean up against the wall outside his back door. A few minutes later they pulled apart – barely an inch – breathless, when Castiel realized that he was trying his hardest not to grind up against him and considered he was getting ahead of himself.

They breathlessly chuckled and then shared a few short and sweet kisses while the electricity crackled between them.

>><< 

Despite the physical pull they had it was two months and three dates later that Castiel found out the reason Dean didn’t believe in soulmates.

They’d decided to have dinner in Castiel’ house and Dean had expected a takeaway but when he’d turned up the smells of fresh food were in the air.

“You shouldn’t have gone to trouble,” Dean said as he followed him into the living room.

“It’s spaghetti, Dean, it’s no trouble,” he said and they’d settled to eat at the coffee table in front of the TV. “I can’t keep eating pizza.” He hit his stomach.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Dean said. “You’re gorgeous.” He dipped his head to put the food on his fork in his mouth so didn’t see Castiel staring at him.

They had their dinner and found themselves drinking and talking on the couch. They nodded solemnly as the other told serious stories, laughed when they shared jokes and amusing tales. They’d started at arm’s length but over the night they’d gotten closer and closer and now Castiel had his left arm on the back of the sofa, their shoulders almost touching.

“How long?” Castiel asked and Dean looked confused. “How long before he graduates?”

“Oh, two years,” Dean said and nodded. “Yeah, he’s gonna be a big deal.” Castiel smiled at him. “What?”

“You,” Castiel said.

His eyes fell to Dean’s lips and Dean smiled, making Castiel look away embarrassed.

“If you want to kiss me,” Dean said softly. “Kiss me.”

Castiel smiled to himself. “You do that on purpose,” he muttered and looked to Dean.

“I think you just like it when _I_ kiss you,” Dean said as Castiel turned back to him.

“Why don’t you give it a go,” Castiel said and couldn’t help but smile himself, “and we’ll find out.”

Dean chuckled, as if proud of his front. He put his lifted his left hand, moving to hold the back of Castiel’s head. “C’mere,” he said and pulled Castiel towards him. He chuckled as their lips met and tilted their heads, pulling each other closer with their hands.

“How was that?” Dean asked, leaning back.

Castiel pulled him back towards him. “Shut up,” he said and Dean laughed.

Everything quickly got heated until Castiel was lying on top of Dean and they were so breathless they couldn’t distinguish that from the quiet moans that were escaping from them. Dean was pulling his shirt apart and kissing his neck as he was pushing it from his shoulders when Castiel realized he was pulling Dean’s belt open.

Castiel inhaled and lifted his hands, taking Dean’s arms and pulling them away from trying to push his shirt down his arms.

“Sorry,” Dean said. “Maybe we should calm down.”

“Do… you want to go upstairs?” Castiel asked, looking down at him.

Dean looked from Castiel’s eyes to his lips to his chest and his tongue poked out to lick his lips. He nodded and looked back up to Castiel’s eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, yeah, I do.”

Castiel leaned back and slowly stood up, fixing the shirt on his shoulders ignoring his very obvious boner and lifted the remote to turn off the TV while Dean stood up. He fixed his jeans, buttoning them up when he’d stood. His eyes were fixed on Castiel as he rounded the couch, following him up the stairs and into the bedroom.

Sam and Gabriel hadn’t used Castiel’s house for their rendezvouses since Dean had had an go at Sam and that night they were at Gabriel’s studio flat (it took Sam a few days to convince Gabriel that it didn’t matter if he lived in a cardboard box he still wouldn’t care) since Dean’s windows were as dark as Castiel’s bedroom as the pair rolled around.

They undressed each other as their eyes adjusted to the darkness with only the light coming in the window. However, it wasn’t until Dean leaned back on his elbows, putting his right hand on Castiel’s knee to steady his thrusts into him and then let it drop to grab a cramp in his thigh that Castiel saw it. Across Dean’s heart his tanned skin was unblemished.

There was no soul-mark.

The wind was knocked out of Castiel. On the one hand he felt relief than Dean wasn’t going to hurt him and yet, simultaneously, pain that Dean wasn’t his soulmate.

Dean called his name as he came inside him but didn’t say anything until he’d brought Castiel to climax in his mouth and they lay side by side, Dean rolling to his side to look at Castiel.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“No,” Cas said, looking from the ceiling to Dean, “don’t be.” His eyes searched Dean’s face. “You can call me, Cas.”

>><< 

It was seven months later, in Dean’s bedroom one morning when everything changed. Sam had moved out but still crashed every few weeks when he’d had a few too many with his brother. That night had been one of them. They sat up all night drinking beer, watching wrestling and talking about work, Gabriel, Cas – everything.

“So, what’s going on there?” Sam had asked.

“What d’you mean?”

“You love him?” Sam asked casually.

Dean’s head whipped to his brother, shock on his face. “Jeez, Sam-”

“What?”

“You can’t just ask that!” he exclaimed.

“Why not?” Sam mumbled, slurring a little.

“Because you can’t!”

“Because you don’t?” Sam asked.

“No,” Dean said and Sam looked surprised to hear that but Dean continued, “because it’s not something you just say.”

“So, you do?”

“I didn’t say-” Dean argued.

“Are you telling me you’ve never asked yourself that question?”

“I haven’t!” Dean insisted. “Why would I? You’re the girl in the family.”

“You’ve been together for a year,” Sam pointed out.

“Not a year,” Dean contradicted.

“Nearly,” Sam added.

“Half,” Dean said.

“Whatever, love or not?” Sam persisted.

“I don’t- I don’t do that, Sam,” Dean said sadly.

“Why not?” Sam asked, confused.

“You know why!” Dean snapped.

Sam paused, wondering whether to go on. “So what,” Sam protested and Dean looked at him. “Some people don’t get soulmates, Dean. That doesn’t mean they can’t be in love or happy. Think about it, Dean.”

Dean thought about it, about how he’d never seriously considered it was possible. But then an image flashed in his mind. “He has one,” he said quietly.

“What?” Sam asked. “A mark?” Dean nodded. “What is it?”

Dean pushed his lips out. “Cas,” he said.

“His name?” Sam asked, thinking it was a strange soul-mark.

“No, his social security number. Of course his name!” Dean yelled and then let his head dip into his hands.

“Why does that make a difference?” Sam asked.

Dean lifted his head and looked at Sam. “Because his soulmate is out there somewhere!” He pointed to his window. “Someone whose last word they’ll say to him is his name. What if that’s someone he meets while he’s screwing around with me and they just walk away?” He dropped his hand.

Sam looked at his brother’s face and his brow dipped. “Don’t do it.”

“What?” Dean asked.

“Don’t you dare break up with him!” Sam said and Dean looked to him.

“Who said-?” he asked.

“Your face did!” Sam snapped. “Don’t you dare!”

Dean pursed his lips together tight then looked to him. “Well, why not? He’s destined to meet-”

“And what if it’s you?” Sam interrupted.

“I don’t have-!”

“You don’t have to!” Sam said. “You could be his and he not be yours, Dean.”

Dean exhaled, that didn’t make him feel much better. They said nothing more about it that night.

 

When he dressed the next morning Dean didn’t turn the light on or shower, he had too much on his mind to think properly and he didn’t want to see his skin. He went to work at the fire station, put out a couple of minor fires and went him, feeling nauseated.

He pulled up at his front door, got out of his car, locked it and turned towards his front door. However, he stopped. He looked to Cas’ house, back to his own and then looked to Cas’ again. He swallowed, walked up the path and knocked on the door.

It was a few seconds before he heard Cas move through the house and come to the front door. He immediately smiled and Dean tried to do the same.

“Hello, Dean, come in,” he gestured his head backwards and stepped to the side.

“Heya, C- Castiel,” Dean said and walked in, waiting in the living room for Cas to join him.

Cas looked to him, seeing how nervous he looked as he looked around as if in a strange environment. “Are you okay?” Cas asked, stepping forward to kiss him.

Dean reacted a bit slowly to the kiss and stepped back as he said, “Uh, not really, we gotta talk.”

Cas’ smile fell. “Okay,” he said.

“I’ve been thinking and-” Dean felt like he couldn’t breathe. This was harder that he thought it would be but he reminded himself why he was doing it. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

The shock hit Castiel’s face as his mouth slid open and his mind reeled. He caught it and looked away. “Oh,” he said, “right. Of- Of course.”

“I just-”

“You don’t have to explain,” Castiel said, chuckling sadly and somewhat bitterly; he should have listened to himself when he’d stayed away from Dean.

“I just- You have a soul-mark and I don’t-”

“I’m aware,” Castiel replied.

“So, this was never meant to be,” Dean added.

“Right-” Castiel agreed, wondering when he’d forgotten that.

“It was fun but-”

“Fun,” Castiel said disbelievingly, the word coming out in an exhale.

Dean lifted his right arm to Castiel. “No, I just don’t want to stand in the way of you meeting whoever that’s for.” He gestured to Castiel’s chest.

“Seven months ago you didn’t believe in soulmates and now you don’t want to stand in the way of true love, is that it?” he asked, chuckling sadly.

“Cas-”

“I think you should leave,” Castiel said calmly and looked to the side, swallowing hard, his eyes reddening.

Dean could see he was keeping it together to save face so he nodded, decided not to say anything else, and left through the door he’d come in.

Castiel closed his eyes and tears fell down his cheeks.

 

They never spoke again. Something Dean knew was meant to happen when, after a few weeks of discomfort, he showered one morning and looked down to see five words newly etched into his skin over his broken heart.

 

Homo Sapiens were scientifically proven some years later to have evolved this new feature to their DNA. But it wouldn’t be for another few years that it would be empirically lined to chemical processes – and their connection to DNA – in the brain. It would never be narrowed down precisely as to how human bodies seemingly psychically predicted these interactions, some psychologists and philosophers argued that the words were produced by a freak gene-evolution but once they were seen by the other person there was suggestion there, and that worked to trick the person into thinking they had uttered the words off of their own back. What doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and chemists would quickly agree on by 2020 is that, like hair can change from black to grey, or attitudes can change from discrimination to acceptance so too can the mind or emotions effect the DNA connection to the soul-mark.

Therefore a person’s so-called soulmate can change from one person to another depending on life choices. Soul-marks can morph if one partner leaves, similarly people who previously had no soulmate can fall for a person in such a way that they would do anything, sacrifice anything, just to secure their happiness.

In those cases, soul-marks have been known to appear long after puberty, because life is about choices, as life changes so too do those choices and every choice can offer up a new path.

Of course, none of these words comforted two men; one whose name was never shortened again and the other who spent his whole life wondering if, in trying to sacrifice his own happiness for someone else’s, he’d just thrown them both away.

 

 


End file.
